When my husband and I had decided our marriage was no longer livable in its current condition we realized almost immediately that a breakdown had occurred in many areas, including communication. One of us wanted to work through things and the other did not. But, the one thing we both knew was we didn’t want to hurt each other anymore. So, we started a journal where we would write to each other. Looking back it is sometimes hard to read and other times it was refreshing. But, our feelings and intentions were very clear.
Learn how putting it on paper may be the most effective way to communicate to your spouse when talking isn’t an option.
Put It On Paper
Sometimes it’s best, when verbal communication just isn’t working, to put your thoughts down on paper. There are three ways you can do this:
1) You can start a Gratitude Journal. My husband and I have done this in the past and it’s a really wonderful way to let your spouse know how much you appreciate, not only the BIG things they do, but also the tender tokens of love. For example, everyday we would write down 3 things we were grateful for. One day, I wrote down that I was thankful my husband was such a wonderful cook and that I was grateful he always took the grilled cheese sandwich he made that was little more well done. After he read that he laughed and said he didn’t realize that I noticed he did that. Writing down the little things our spouse does that we appreciate validates their actions.
2) If your spouse awakens or retires to bed in the evening at a different time than you do, you could leave a little love note (I like to use Post-It Notes) somewhere (like the mirror or their nightstand) so that the last or first thing they see is something special by you.
3) One is never too old to enjoy getting a little note in his or her lunchbox or DayTimer. Seeing a love note in an unexpected place like that is sure to make someone feel special. Why not ask your spouse for a date on a little love note? If you know they have the time open, you could even plan a surprise and whisk them away to some special event or outing.
Whereas verbal communication has the tendency to be misremembered or perhaps even misconstrued, putting the way you feel down on paper can be referred to again and again. Written tokens of affection may become mementos that help us get through a rough day. Put it down on paper; you may be surprised at the results.
What could you write to your spouse today to communicate your feelings in a positive light?