Reduce Friction in the Process of Divorce

FizzNiche May 10, 2012 0
Reduce Friction in the Process of Divorce

Coming to an agreement on your divorce settlement isn’t an easy process.  That’s why our expert guest bloggers have chimed in with their advice on how to come to an agreement quickly, with the least amount of friction between you.

Mine, Mine, Yours?

When trying to figure out who gets what during a divorce, you can make the process easier on both of you by following a few guidelines.

  • First, this is not the time to get petty or punitive. Do you really need the salt and pepper shakers? If they are heirlooms from your great-great grandmother, sure. Otherwise, let them go.
  • Try to keep emotions out of it. Think of this as a business transaction, one in which hopefully both parties walk away from the table feeling they have gotten a fair shake.
  • Do some pre-planning before you start to divvy up property. Think about what you need, what you want, and what is fair. Also try to figure out what you can live without and what you are happy to see the back end of. Determine on your own what your non-negotiables are. If need be, you can stand your ground for those items, but be ready to make some concessions on the other end.
  • Whenever possible, be generous. I watched one couple (my parents in fact) go through the division of stuff process. They were considerate and thoughtful, and instead of arguing who would take specific items, they offered each other items they felt had sentimental value. This cooperative approach set the tone for all of their dealings and went a long way to make the rest of the family feel ok about the change in family structure.

Remember that divorce is a process, not an event. How you handle yourself during these dealings will very likely impact how you and your ex relate to each other down the line. Maintaining goodwill and a spirit of cooperation in the long run might well be worth sacrificing some items you wanted to hold on to.

Erika Myers, LPC,  Therapist

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