Separation is a topic that we hear a lot about. Some divorce experts recommend it as a step in the process of saving a marriage – while others argue that it’s just a small step closer to divorce.
Today’s guest blogger shares her personal story of a marriage saving separation. See what made separation a good option for her and her husband and how they are doing now, 26 years later:
Redefining Your Focus
Early in my marriage my husband and I really struggled. We sought help with a marriage counselor and with our priest, but we were still having problems. My husband was miserable. He left our home and went back to his parent’s home to work on himself.
At that point in our marriage we realized that until my husband was happy with himself, he couldn’t be happy in our marriage. We “dated” each other but no one else because we knew we still loved each other. We used the month he was gone to redefine what it was we wanted in a marriage.
We split on Thanksgiving Day and we reunited on New Years’ Day. That was enough time for us to actually write out two plans — Plan A and Plan B. We felt that by having two different plans, if one didn’t work, perhaps the other would.
Plan A didn’t pan out, but having a plan helped us work in the right direction. And when the plan didn’t work out, instead of wasting time, we went straight to Plan B. This plan worked out even better than we could have ever hoped.
In May we will celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary. I never would have thought that splitting up would help our marriage, but in the end I think it’s exactly what we needed to do. Keeping our focus (our love for each other) helped us redefine what we wanted out of life as a couple. I’m glad my husband was brave enough to take such drastic measures to save our marriage.
— Anna Jaworski, Baby Hearts Press
Congrats to Anna for saving her marriage!
We really like the idea of creating a plan – and a backup plan! Setting steps and goals that you’re both committed to after returning from a separation is a great way to ensure that you don’t fall back into old habits and that you both acknowledge that steps need to be taken to make things work for both of you.