Divorce mediation is becoming the preferred method (versus hiring lawyers and going to or settling out of court) for couples looking for a divorce. The process saves money and is done in a shorter time period, allowing both parties to walk away and start over sooner.
But – one additional benefit has been occurring… it seems that mediation is actually helping to save marriages. See what our divorce experts have to say about divorce mediation and how it can help save a marriage (even when dealing with a cheating spouse!):
For the most part men are adverse to counseling. If you want to get him in to work on your relationship issues, go see a mediator. Mediation is not counseling and because of this, emotions are not explored. Instead, it uses a man-friendly method of guided problem solving to reach mutually agreed solutions.
– Nancy Fagan, Divorce Expert, Consultant & Author, The Divorce Help Clinic
Divorce Mediation Can Help a Cheating Spouse
Divorce mediation can be more than just helping people split property and create child-sharing programs. A good mediator will look beyond the current situation a couple is going through in order to help them see the possibility of remaining together.
There are Far More Motivators for Staying Together than for Splitting Up
If you have children, your incentive to remain as an intact family should be off the charts. Our society has downplayed the catastrophic experience of a child in a broken family so much that we have created a crisis of community and a lack of sincere effort on the parts of western psychologists to find solutions to common marital dilemmas.
Even the heart-wrenching effects of a cheating spouse can be worked through or transcended with the help of a good mediator who understands marriage and what it takes for a marriage to work. In my own mediation practice, not one couple who came to see me because of a cheating spouse ended up wanting to be divorced
Both the cheating spouse and the offended partner learned how to have a healthy, happy, and even joyous marriage. The ease with which people ask for and receive a divorce is nearly incomprehensible when one considers how simple it is to have the marriage of your dreams.
Look for the Good in the Cheating Spouse
Don’t allow a weakness that brought about the infidelity to define the person who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. It is unfair to completely write someone off because of a disease. It is unfair to look at the manifestation of the disease and declare that person unworthy of your love. If someone is cheating on their spouse it isn’t because they are evil. It is because they are weak in a particular area which will lead to their infidelity. That same person has certain strengths that impress and inspire others. It is those strengths you should focus upon.
Beating up a Cheating Spouse will Only Make Matters Worse
The idea of holding people accountable for their actions isn’t part of the marriage contract; I’m sorry. The marriage contract describes how you are supposed to behave, not your spouse. You very well know that you have flaws you never want your spouse to be aware of, and maybe they never will be aware of them. So rather than making fun of or condemning your spouse for infidelity, you’ll both be better off if you forgive them. Better yet, leave the forgiveness to God and learn how to not judge your spouse. Learn how to focus on their positive attributes and be completely understanding of their slips and failures. Do you think someone will love you or hate you if you are completely understanding of them? Well, that is the whole point of showing unconditional love. By turning the spotlight of your mind on your own flaws, you will enhance the love in your marriage to stratospheric levels.
I wrote Lessons For A Happy Marriage: to save marriage relationships from the marriage crisis in our country; it’s about saving children. Let’s stop divorce. The problems go beyond the failures of marriage counselors. My life’s mission is to eradicate the need for divorce through focused education. If you are married, please tell your soul mate, “I love you.”
– Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_W._Friedman
So, if he wants a divorce that you don’t – suggest mediation. It may be the chance that you need to bring the issues to forefront and allow you and him to get past the differences and work on your marriage.